Loving through Digital
The search for love can be a treacherous road, one filled with obstacles, uneven footing, a bruised ego, some incredible views, and a few wrong turns.
For some of us, we grow up believing in our own Disney moment. Where there are fewer frogs to kiss and more princes to couple up with. Where randomly meeting someone without pre-calculated schemes isn't just in fairytales. And when your late 20's hit, then 30's, most of our friends are married, seriously dating or too busy changing diapers. If you are planning on relying on social circles to meet someone, you will likely be single well into your 50s.
In 2019, the reality is – a lot less serendipitous meetings through friends, a lot more are meeting someone with a little help from a mutual swipe right. Kind of like when you pick a bar for a night out based on the vibe. With Dating apps, you can usually guess what kind of person you will be talking to, based on the app you choose.
A one night kind of deal, a quick fling? that unsolicited D pic? one guess where that guy came from... starts with T and ends with inder. there are entire IG accounts dedicated to the insane kinteractions. But for all the horror, the "what the" stories there are the heartwarmers. The friends that met their person and those are the times when through any doubt, a little hope bubbles up for me.
This is why I decided to download a few dating apps to see if I can swipe right, on Mr right.
The first one I try is the old classic, Tinder. Let's face it, for all the good guys on there, 80% are completely overridden by total creeps. But I am signed up and ready to go, at 9 pm. My first match says a quick "Hi" and invites me straight out. I am already in bed, So I reply "Not tonight" and attempt to move on with the conversation, he responds with “But I would love to see to you in person tonight”. Ok, so he either has one night to live, he will turn into a pumpkin at midnight or he's looking for one thing... Moving on.
My next match is French and working on his English so it's not the smoothest of communications. I'm not sure if he hails from the supposed city of love but in a weird attempt at a first impression. he has decided his profile should include testimonies from other girls. “Nice forehand, irregular backhand.” “Attentive, polite and no hair issue”. Honestly, I have so many questions, who are these girls, how did this conversation go? Was it an uber situation, rate me and I'll rate you? We live in a time where we want constant validation. But turning Tinder into a Linkedin for love might be a little too far.
I'm in this now, so I switch to Happn, known for having less-aggressive approaches. It might be worth a try. My Happn match leads to an afternoon walk in the park. Where I instantly discover he is much shorter than me, I also realize that his profile showcases the best 3 photos ever taken of him, in his life. What's the deal here, can I unmatch IRL?
And why do people lie about their height? The plan is to see them eventually, so putting 6ft as your height should not be an estimate or a height goal. If that is what you put, that's how tall we will think you are!
Ok, so far this is leaving something to be desired, I'm still willing to give it another shot, my next move is to switch to foreigners.
Vacation matching is huge, there are a ton of people on trips swiping up a storm. Although they state the dates that they are here, I choose Londoners and Parisiens as it's not so far away in case we really connect. Now, here's the shocker and probably the standard for these types of matches, both my matches were married and just looking for an adventure in Lisbon. Apparently, the change of location influences the way people use the app. Not being in your hometown, allows some men to be shady little jerks.
So far it’s been a letdown, which leads me to a little overthinking and I consider paying for the premium version or subscribing to other dating apps known for having more “serious” people. but does paying for apps premium level contribute to a higher success rate? Probably not, it's likely just a psychological factor.
Dating apps are a little like a drug there's an exciting rush followed by disappointment, it feels like online shopping with too many returns. Feeling like it hasn't worked out well so far, I decide to put this on hold for now, tomorrow is another day.
My next morning coffee gives me a little boost… This new guy in the neighborhood just gave me a cute smile and a wink.
Maybe not all is lost....