Like almost everyone else on the planet, I can say 2020 has been a completely surreal year. 

Well, maybe a little bit more for me than for most people. Because in the middle of all of this, I started growing a new life - and it was totally unexpected.

Fast forward to March of 2020. I am on a trip to Morocco without my partner when the world shuts down, and I make it back home just in time for the beginning of the lockdown. Like all the couples around the planet, we had to find new ways to pass the time in our apartment, between work, cooking sessions, movies and books.

Without knowing it, in the most uncertain times in recent history, while life as we knew it was changing so drastically, we made a baby. Our first baby.

Now, I have to say I am very lucky. I am not easily stressed, and I have a rather “que sera sera” approach to life, which in this case made the situation funny rather than difficult. It probably helps that the pregnancy has been going amazingly well. But I have to admit, we are a bit saddened by some aspects of it - and I know that the worst part is yet to come.

It has been a lonely pregnancy. This is normally a time that you share with your family, your close friends, your significant other. Obviously, given the circumstances, I have been very careful in social situations or avoided them altogether.

My boyfriend is by my side as much as he can, but what I struggle with the most is having to go to medical appointments alone, as not even the father is allowed in. My heart breaks when I think about all the things he misses out, like hearing our daughter’s heartbeat for the first time, watching her face appear on the monitor. He is left somewhat out of the bubble. 

What I fear the most though is having to go in there and deliver the baby alone. This is not how anyone envisioned the birth of their first baby. I feel like I am going to be robbed of such a special moment with my partner and our little one, in addition to possibly going through the biggest pain and anxiety of my life without the support of a loved one. I am dreading the day.

But I know that all of this will disappear when we meet our little girl.

I'm not too worried about bringing a child into this world. This too shall pass. And if it doesn't, then it will be the new normal, just a part of our day to day life. I think I actually prefer her growing up that way, rather than having to explain to a toddler why she could go out before and not now.

The year has proven, month after month, that nothing is certain and that, truly, life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans. I can’t wait to see what the next years have in store.

written by Sofia Lourenço